As many of you know, I’m writing a new book just for girls about how to handle stress. If you haven’t already done so, please send me a note about what stressors you’re dealing with…I want to make sure that this book talks to YOU.

Here’s what I need you to do:

Think of me as the “Dear Abby” for stress relief and send me an email describing your stressful situation. I’ll be including some of these scenarios in the book (anonymously, of course!), along with my recommendations for handling the stressor.

Thanks for helping out…I look forward to hearing from you!

Peace & Love,

Debbie

When life gets hectic…I mean, really intensely crazy with deadlines, finals, pressure…stress, sometimes the best thing to do is the exact opposite of what you might think. Take a day off. That’s right, that’s what I said. TAKE A DAY OFF.

Have you ever seen a car stuck in the snow? The driver tries to floor it, but no matter what they do, that back wheel just keeps spinning around at top speed, going nowhere fast. Now apply that metaphor to life.

Think about it…have you ever been so stressed out and over-tired that you before you know it, you’ve re-read the same two sentences of Catcher in the Rye about twenty times and you still don’t know why Holden Caulfield got expelled from school. Taking a day for yourself to recharge and get re-inspired might be just what the doctor ordered.

10 Ideas For Your Day Off

1. Go to the movies: There’s nothing like a little escapism to instantly transport you to another world where your stresses don’t exist. And who knows…maybe the movie you choose to see will impart some wisdom to you that will apply to your classwork?
2. Go to a museum: Getting inspired from the masters, past and present, might help you tap into your creative side and find different approaches to handling your stress.
3. Take a break from TV & the computer: A day with no screen time? Give your eyes and your over-stimulated mind a break. You’ll not only feel calmer…you’ll have more time to devote to other things (like relaxing).
4. Volunteer: There’s no better way to put your stressful life in perspective than by devoting a few hours or an afternoon to helping out with one of your favorite causes.
5. Pamper yourself: Finding time for a massage, facial, pedicure, haircut…even a long bath at home, gives your body and soul the message that taking care of your well-being is a priority.
6. Go for a hike: If you live in the city, get out into the country. If you live in the country, head into town. Wherever you end up, wear comfortable shoes and walk, walk, walk. With each step, you’ll pound out some stress and do something great for your body at the same time.
7. Go to the zoo: What could be more zen than watching animals do their thing? A short trip to the zoo can be a great reminder of the wonders of nature, life, the universe and everything.
8. Read a book: Curl up on the couch, pull up your grandma’s crocheted afghan, and dive into a book (NOT a textbook or school work).
9. Organize or clean your bedroom: It might sound odd, but there’s something very zen and satisfying about putting everything in its place. Plus, cleaning and organizing can reduce your stress in the long run.
10. Spend time with your friends or family: At the end of the day, spending quality time with the people we love is really what life is all about, isn’t it?

When was the last time you took a day off? What did you do?

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NOTE: Today I was feeling particularly stressed (that’s why I’m only writing this affirmation tonight instead of first thing this morning!), so I followed my own advice - I went to the beach, did laundry, and spent some quality time with the fam.

If you live in the New York City area, then you might know that Spring Awakening is the new hot musical on Broadway. The musical, which is based on a play written more than 100 years ago, is a story of teenage self-discovery and is being praised for its gritty portrayal of adolescence and all of the challenges that go along with it.

So it’s only fitting that the cast of Spring Awakening teamed up with another show that so aptly portrays the reality of life for today’s teens, Degrassi: The Next Generation, on The N.

Last month in NYC, the cast of Spring Awakening and Degrassi got together for a frank discussion on everything teen: peer pressure, stress, sex, relationships, self-esteem…life. The panel discussion was introduced by none other than Zach Braff, and hosted by Rosie O’Donnell.

My good friend was at this event, and she said it was amazing. Well, now we can check it out for ourselves! Visit AOL RED and to download the whole event.

I recently read an interesting article about how teens and 20-somethings relate to careers. Attracting the Twentysomething Worker in Fortune Magazine, talks about the fact that companies today are having to become more flexible and open-minded if they’re going to hold the interest of the newest members of the workforce.

“They’re ambitious, they’re demanding and they question everything, so if there isn’t a good reason for that long comute or late night, don’t expect them to do it. When it comes to loyalty, the companies they work for are last on their list - behind their families, their friends, their communities, their co-workers and, of course, themselves.”

According to the article, companies are struggling to find a way to attract and hold onto recent college grads, especially because as baby boomers (the generation made up by people currently in their 40s and 50s) start to retire, there is going to be a shortage of workers. Without figuring out how to capture the interest of young workers, these companies are going to be left in the lurch.

Ambitious, demanding and questioning everything? Sounds good to me. Why shouldn’t young workers strive to do a lot and have big dreams, demand the best from themselves and their co-workers and question the workstyles and systems set up a long time ago? But the question is, what should the new “rules” for being on the job be? What is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to work ethics?

Some of the things this new generation of workers are doing differently on the job include:

• requesting vacation or time off in the first few months of a job (for past generations of workers, this would be totally unacceptable)
• requesting to work from home a few days a week
• challenging traditional dress codes, including wearing unusual piercings to work
• refusing to pay certain dues, like working 60+ work weeks just to prove their commitment
• thinking nothing of quitting a job if it doesn’t give them immediate rewards and satisfaction
• putting their personal life before their work life

What are your expectations when you start your career someday? How has this been affected by what you’ve seen your parents experience in their careers?

There was a time when society thought women should be seen and not heard. Women didn’t vote. They didn’t hold positions of power. Their opinions didn’t count.

Thankfully, those days are gone.

But just because today women and girls in most countries have the right to be heard doesn’t mean that speaking up for ourselves is always easy.

Girls “Lose” Their Voices

Research shows that as most girls enter the teen years, they start to lose their voices. According to a Girls Rights Survey conducted by Girls Inc., one third of girls “say it’s true that girls are expected to speak softly and not cause trouble.” According to Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia, girls are discouraged from speaking openly and honestly about their opinions.

Have you noticed this change in yourself or in your group of friends? Do you shy away from confrontation because it might be unpleasant? Do you find yourself going along with something you don’t necessarily agree with just because it seems easier than speaking up?

Why Girls Stop Speaking Up

There are many different reasons why you might find yourself less and less likely to speak up for yourself:

• you don’t want to say something that will embarrass you or draw unwanted attention to yourself
• you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings
• you’d rather avoid an unwanted confrontation
• you feel that society expects girls to be less vocal than boys
• you think that what you have to say isn’t important or interesting enough
• you put other people’s needs before your own
• sometimes being quiet and not making waves seems like the easier option

Finding Your Voice

I’ve always considered myself somewhat of a “big-mouth,” yet I sometimes find myself on shaky ground when it comes to speaking my truth. I’ve always hated confrontation and usually avoid it at all costs. But one day I realized that this refusal to speak up for myself had a cost of its own - in the form of my self-esteem, my confidence, my emotional well-being.

One day, I decided to find out WHAT IF? What if I said how I really felt? What if I stood up for myself when I was being put down? What if I spoke my truth? What would actually happen?

I’ll admit it was pretty nerve-wracking at first, but I gave it a shot. And I always felt stronger and more empowered after speaking up about a situation that I felt strongly about. People didn’t respond to me negatively and I started to trust in what I had to say and realize its value.

Speak Up!

If you’ve lost your voice, it’s never too late to find it. It’s always there…you just have to give it a chance to be heard. Try speaking up for yourself the next time you’re in one of these situations:

• when someone is trying to pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do
• when you disagree with a comment someone made in a class and you have your own opinion you’d like to share
• when someone confronts you and you want to set the record straight
• when you’re being emotionally or physically bullied
• when a friend says or does something unacceptable, such as make a racist comment towards someone else
• when your significant other says or does things that make you feel bad about yourself
• when you want to challenge a stereotype or label that’s been placed on you

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For more inspiration on speaking up and finding your voice, check out a great book by an amazing woman who has perfected the art of speaking her truth, Arianna Huffington. In On Becoming Fearless, Arianna inspires women and girls of all ages to take back their power and find their voices. As she writes in her introduction:

“We have so much potential, yet we hold ourselves back. if my daughters, and women of all ages, are to take their rightful place in society, they must become fearless.”

Check out my interview with the CW Morning News in New York City that aired this morning! The interview was about differences in work styles between men and women, which was a really interesting thing to discuss this topic in reference to things I learned from the women I interviewed for In Their Shoes.

During the interview, the producer asked me a few questions that didn’t make it into the edited TV interview. One of them was about whether or not I discovered anything surprising while researching the book with regards to the reality of being a woman in the workplace.

Since it didn’t make it on air, here’s my answer: One of the things I found most surprising across the board is that despite the fact that there’s a lot of talk about how women bosses are difficult and that women backstab other women in the workplace, many of the woman I profiled actually said that it was other women who were their greatest mentors and advocates. From Grey’s Anatomy’s Shonda Rhimes to firefighter Danielle Aust, many of these women wouldn’t be where they were today were it not for the support and guidance of other women. That is one myth I was happy to bust!

To watch the TV interview, look for the news story entitled Men and Women in the Workplace on CW New York’s website.

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If you live in Washington state, I’ll be doing a bookstore event this Saturday, May 19th, at Fairhaven Village Books in Bellingham, WA. The event is at 3pm, and I’ll be talking about the 10 keys to success I learned from interviewing the women of In Their Shoes, as well as signing books. I hope to see you there!

If you live in the New York area, set your TIVO or tune in tomorrow morning, Wednesday, May 16th, to WPIX-TV Channel 11. The CW Morning News interviewed me last week to talk about my book, In Their Shoes, and about the differences between men and women in the workplace. I was just getting over a week-long bout of tonsillitis and laryngitis, so don’t be weirded out by my scratchy, low voice…it’s not how I usually sound!

The interview will be airing at approximately 5:55am and again at 8:20am. I’ll post a link to the interview on my website after it airs.

Peace & Love,

Debbie

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.

—Buddha

For many of us, the idea of being “thankful” is a concept we’ve been aware since we were young.

There’s Thanksgiving, of course. The day we sit around an oversized dining room table and gorge ourselves with a sampling of turkey, mashed potatoes, peas, corn and the like before propping our overstuffed selves in front of the TV to catch the end of the football game with Grandpa.

Then there’s the notion of saying, “Thank you” - something that our parents likely drummed into our heads over and over again as toddlers in their attempt to instill in us a little politeness.

For some of us, there’s saying our prayers, where we cap off our wish list to God by saying “thank you” for things like our dog, our house, our best friend.

But while the idea of being thankful is familiar to just about everyone, truly experiencing the notion of thankfulness is something that many of us don’t do often enough. We get caught up in our everyday lives and all the little things that are going wrong - forgetting to do an important homework assignment, having our crush tell us he just wants to “be friends,” losing our bid to be elected class president, getting caught in the middle of a nasty fight between mom and dad, being ostracized by our closest group of friends, feeling for certain that no one on the planet understands who we are or what we’re going through.

But it’s times like these that being thankful - acknowledging something or someone in your life that brings you joy, comfort or safety - can actually have the most impact in your life.

Being thankful:

• shifts your focus away from the negative and towards the positive
• puts things in perspective by reminding you there is good in your life no matter how bad things get
• has a positive impact on your emotions and mental state of mind
• lowers your stress levels

Why not give it a try and see what the results are for you? For the next week, try being thankful for ONE THING every day. Yes, that’s right…ONE THING. And when I say “being thankful,” I’m talking about truly acknowledging and feeling the gratitude. Here are some ideas for things you might be thankful for in case you get stumped:

• your dog or cat (or other pet)
• your health
• your family
• a teacher
• your sense of humor
• your house or apartment
• your bed or bedroom
• your love of reading
• your natural talent (artistic, athletic, etc.)
• people who love you
• good friends
• food on the table
• movie theatre popcorn
• your favorite book or television show
• your ability to read
• a beautiful day
• the beach

Remember - even when it seems like there’s nothing to be grateful for, feeling gratitude about even the smallest thing can have a bigger impact than spending your time complaining about what’s missing in your life. You be the judge… let me know how it works for you!

Hello all!

I hope everyone is enjoying the nicer weather, longer days and smells of spring that are wafting around.

I’m so excited because tomorrow morning I’m leaving for NYC to do some publicity stuff for my book, In Their Shoes! So why am I telling you this? Because 1) I won’t be able to post a new Smart Girls Know Affirmation tomorrow, and 2) I just thought you might wanna know.

On a side note, apparently I had some technical difficulties with my blog last week, and many of you didn’t receive last Monday’s affirmation, Smart Girls Know That Jealousy is a Waste of Time. So, I’m going to keep that affirmation up for another week, since it’s such important stuff to keep in mind (for me, too!). And I will try to post a few things while I’m in the Big Apple, so check back to Smart Girls Know throughout the week.

Lastly, I am going to begin answering career questions from girls on Smart Girls Know and on a new Facebook group I created for In Their Shoes. They can be about anything from how to break into a specific career field to what kind of grades you’ll need to be able to work in a certain industry.

Here’s the first question:

Dear Debbie,

I want to be a famous author someday. People always tell me that it would probably be very hard to publish a successful book, but how exactly can you get a book published by a decent publisher? Must you have an agent?

Yours Truly, Eri

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Dear Eri,

That’s such a great dream and goal, and one I can certainly relate to! When people tell you that it’s hard to publish a successful book, they’re right. But then again, what dream and goal worth working towards doesn’t take hard work and dedication? People ask me about how to get published all the time, and my advice to them, and to you, is to be committed to your idea (or ideas) and create mini-goals for working towards your big dream. Whether you need an agent or not depends on the kind of book you want to write and the kind of publisher you want to get it in front of. To get you started, here are some things you can do now to make your future dream of becoming a published author a reality:

• Visit the teen section of your local library and ask them if they know of any writing clubs or classes that you could get involved in.
  
• Write all the time…in your journal, on scraps of paper, on your computer. The more you write, the better you’ll become.
• Read books about how to break into publishing, like Give ‘Em What They Want: The Right Way to Pitch Your Novel to Editors and Agents by Blythe Camenson for fiction, and How to Write a Book Proposal by Michael Larsen for nonfiction.
• Find writing communities online where you can learn more about writing and publishing, like published teen Dallas Woodburn’s site, Write On.
• Be willing to smart small…even many successful authors have had to self-publish their first books, literally traveling around the country selling them out of the trunk of their car before getting the attention of a major publisher.
• Be persistent and committed…it might take a while to break in, but if you’re dedicated to your idea and your goal, you can make it happen!

Good luck, Eri!

Peace & Love,

Debbie

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Have you got career questions? No matter how bizarre, silly or challenging, I’ve got answers, so send me an email! If you’re on Facebook, join my group and get involved!

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Lastly, my publisher, Simon Pulse, is looking for teens to join its Pulse IT Board. If you’re a book lover and can’t wait to get your hands on the next hot title, then apply to be part of the board. You could receive free books and advance reader’s copies…all you have to do is tell Simon Pulse what you think! Click here to sign up!

If you answered “no,” then go to your local library or bookstore and track down this book! I just picked it up last week and have been poring through it. I know there’s a movie and everything, but there’s nothing like reading these teens’ real diary entries to make you feel connected with the writers’ innermost thoughts.

If you have been living under a rock and don’t know what this book is all about, here’s a quick description of The Freedom Writers Diary: How a Teacher and 150 Teens Used Writing to Change Themselves and the World Around Them:

As an idealistic twenty-three-year-old English teacher at Wilson High School in Long beach, California, Erin Gruwell confronted a room of “unteachable, at-risk” students. One day she intercepted a note with an ugly racial caricature, and angrily declared that this was precisely the sort of thing that led to the Holocaust—only to be met by uncomprehending looks. So she and her students, using the treasured books Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl and Zlata’s Diary: A Child’s Life in Sarajevo as their guides, undertook a life-changing, eye-opening, spirit-raising odyssey against intolerance and misunderstanding. They learned to see the parallels in these books to their own lives, recording their thoughts and feelings in diaries and dubbing themselves the “Freedom Writers” in homage to the civil rights activists “The Freedom Riders.”

With powerful entries from the students’ own diaries and a narrative text by Erin Gruwell, The Freedom Writers Diary is an uplifting, unforgettable example of how hard work, courage, and the spirit of determination changed the lives of a teacher and her students.

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What I love the most about The Freedom Writers Diary is that the you can see the transformation of the students through their writing. Many of Erin Gruwell’s students lived in gang-infested projects, where they saw friends and family senselessly murdered, while others experienced painful circumstances like being the victims of sexual abuse, rape, and violence. Many students were filled with skepticism and even hatred towards people of other races and cultures. On top of that, Erin’s students had been given the message by “society” time and time again that they didn’t have a chance at doing anything meaningful with their lives.

Yet over the course of the four years during which the diaries were written, Erin’s students realized that they could make the choice to speak out against intolerance of all kinds, and that they really could create the life they wanted if they tried.

I must admit…sometimes I feel like I live in a bubble where everyone gets along, everyone is color-blind, and people are always accepted for who they are. And then I hear about things like the tragic Virginia Tech shootings or read about the continuing genocide in Darfur, Sudan, and I am shocked back to reality and I realize that the picture in my head doesn’t necesearily reflect the truth.

I am so happy I picked up The Freedom Writers Diary…it came to me just when I needed it, and it filled me to the brim with optimism and hope. So thank you to all of the Freedom Writers, past, present and future. You are an inspiration, and you can change the world!

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If you’ve read The Freedom Writers Diary, share your thoughts here! And keep checking back on The Freedom Writers Diary website…a new interactive hangout for teens will be premiering there soon!

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Paramount Home Entertainment, the people behind the Freedom Writers movie, just announced that they’re distributing 22,000 teaching kids to schools across North America to help further the Freedom Writers mission in schools. They’re also sponsoring a contest challenging students to write a 300-word essay on their inspiration to change. Winners will receive a $1,000 scholarship prize. Ask teachers at your school if they’re going to be a part of the change!