Jealousy can come in all shapes and sizes. There’s big-time jealousy - the type that rears its head when you wish your entire existence was as perfect, as easy, as wonderful, as someone else’s seems to be. There’s fleeting jealousy - the kind that’s nothing more than a tinge of envy over someone’s higher grade on the math quiz. And then there’s something in between.

Whatever the magnitude, there’s no doubt that jealously is U-G-L-Y.

Dictionary.com defines jealousy as “feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages.” The key word in that definition? Resentment.

Having feelings of jealousy is totally normal…we all feel that way from time to time. But when those feelings fester and morph into things like resentment, anger, and hostility, then it’s time to get a grip and figure out what’s really going on.

My theory? Your jealous feelings aren’t about somebody else at all. They’re about YOU.

Here’s another way to think about it: when we’re feeling intense jealousy about somebody else, what we’re really saying is, “I’m not as good (or valuable, or smart, or pretty, or lucky, or privileged, or whatever) as [insert name here].” So instead of giving off hostile energy toward someone else, why not go straight to the source…yourself?

Easier said than done. I should know. Jealousy has always been one of my “issues.” I used to have a real hard time celebrating successes of other people without wondering what was wrong with me. And it really bummed me out. I hated the way the jealousy made me feel and what it did to my own self-esteem. I won’t tell you that I’ve got it all figured out and the ugly green monster doesn’t crop up from time to time, but I try to stomp it right back down when it does!

How about you? Are you ready stop wasting energy with jealousy? Then do it! The next time you are feeling envious or jealous of another person, whip out a piece of paper and think through these questions:

• What am I telling myself that’s making me feel this way?
• Does what I’m telling myself make any sense or am I being irrational?
• What is it about the other persons success (happiness, luck, looks, etc.) that makes me upset?
• What is one thing I could do to distract myself from this jealous feeling?

Once you’ve gone through these questions, there’s one thing left to do. Take a sec and write down 5 things that you are thankful for. This could be anything from your pet goldfish to your natural gift of playing the piano. You’ll be surprised at how quickly remembering the things in our life that uniquely bring us joy nips jealousy in the bud.

Caution: Don’t expect to do this once and immediately banish your jealous feelings forever (although if you do, please write in and tell me how you did it!). But I have a feeling that once you start becoming more aware of the kinds of things that make you feel jealous and you work through those feelings in a healthy way, you just might eventually make sightings of that green beast of envy as rare as an endangered species.

*****

Reminder: If you haven’t done so already, visit my website to help out my friend, inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, with a new survey.

Whether you want to take wedding photos or have your pics grace the cover of National Geographic Magazine someday, if you’ve got an interest in a career in photography, download the featured podcast on the website for my book, In Their Shoes.

Here you can listen to my original audio interview with photographer Amanda Koster. And you couldn’t find a more inspirational photographer to listen to. Not only has Amanda had her work appear in tons of magazines, including Newsweek, People, TIME, Fortune, Business Week, Sunset, and many more, but she also takes on incredibly cool personal photo projects, like her AIDS is Knocking project about AIDS in Kenya, and her This is Beautiful project, which takes a look at the innate beauty in all women.

Amanda inspired me so much in our conversation…check it out and listen for yourself!

Today is the MS. Foundation’s awesome annual event, “Take Your Daughters & Sons to Work Day” (It was just “Take Your Daughters to Work Day” until five years ago, when boys were added to the mix).

If you haven’t heard of this before, here’s how its described on their website: Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work^® Day is designed to expand opportunities for girls and boys, expose them to what adults in their lives do during the work day, show them the value of their education, and give them an opportunity to share how they envision their future. It is intended to be more than a career day.

I LOVE the idea of Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day (especially the daughters part). I think it’s so cool that millions of girls and boys around the country have the chance to spend a day “on the job” and see what really goes on behind the scenes. And girls who participate say it benefits them too. Here are some interesting stats from the MS. Foundation:

Girls believe the program improved their life…

• Eighty-two percent believe that being involved exposed them to things they would not have experienced otherwise.
• Eighty-seven percent agree that participating made them feel special and appreciated.
• Eighty-two percent agree the experience strengthened their relationship with a parent or other adult in their life.

Have you participated in Take Your Daughters and Sons to Work Day, either this year or in the past? I’d love to post some stories from teens about their experiences, so please either leave a comment here, or email me with your thoughts!

* * * * *

PS… This morning my publisher, Simon Pulse, handed out free mini-versions of my new career book for teen girls, In Their Shoes, at Grand Central Station in NYC to daughters taking part in the day as a way to celebrate…how cool is that?

Hello! I just got these pictures from my good friend and photographer Kip Beelman, who was kind enough to snap photos at my book release party on Monday night. Here are a few shots from the event that I wanted to share. To see all of the pictures, visit this site. Enjoy!

Have you ever been stopped dead in your tracks by fear? I’m not talking about horror flick, haunted house, psycho-on-the-loose fear. I’m talking about the kind of fear that we create all by ourselves and creeps into our psyche without us even knowing it.

There are little fears - the kind that give you butterflies right before jumping off the high dive. Then there are big fears - those that keep us from applying to our dream school because don’t think we could handle the rejection if we don’t get in.

Fear is a powerful thing. Depending on how we respond to it, fear can either drive our life or be just a fleeting distraction.

How big of a role does fear play in your life? How would you answer these questions?

• Do you ever say “yes” to something you don’t want to do because you don’t want to disappoint another person?
• Have you ever turned down a potentially awesome opportunity because you didn’t know if it would work out as you hoped?
• Did you ever not go for something you wanted because you didn’t think your chances of getting it were very good?

If you said “yes” to any of these, then you’ve let fear guide you. And when you do that, it’s kind of like saying “no” to life.

Take the “Conquer Your Fear Challenge”:

Okay. So here’s my challenge to you for the week. For the next seven days, don’t let fear make your choices for you. Here’s what to do:

* The next time you’re in a situation where you have a choice of whether or not to do something - it could be volunteering to read your personal essay out loud at school, taking on an extra shift at work, applying to a college out of state, blowing your allowance on designer jeans - ask yourself this question: “Why do I want to do this?” or “Why don’t I want to do this?”

* If you answer this question with something negative - “I’m getting these designer jeans I can’t afford because if I don’t, people will think I’m not cool,” or “I don’t want to volunteer to read my paper out loud because people will judge me,” or “I don’t want to leave my hometown by going out-of-state to college because it would be too hard” - then you’re letting fear guide you.

If you’re making a choice out of fear, try saying “no” to the fear and “yes” to life! “Who cares if people don’t like my personal style. I don’t want to waste my money on jeans just to look cool” or “I need to put myself out there and see what happens…if I don’t take chances, I’ll never find out what I might be missing out on.”

Take action! Apply to that college…read that essay out loud…say “no” to the fancy jeans. I guarantee that you’ll be happy with the results. There’s nothing more empowering than conquering a fear. And the best part is, it gets easier and easier the more you do it.

Give it a try, and let me know how it goes!

* * * * *

Take the Survey!

Speaking of taking action, my good friend and amazingly inspirational author, speaker and “actionist,” Jessica Weiner, needs your help with a new survey. Please click on the link on the left to take the “Actionist Survey with Jess.”

Last night was the book release party for In Their Shoes at the coolest bookstore in Seattle, Elliott Bay Book Co. It’s been a crazy busy week trying to get everything done for the party, but it was worth all of the hard work. The party was a blast and everything went off without a hitch. I’ll blog more about it later, but wanted to share this pic with you for now…

And keep an eye out for the Smart Girls Know Affirmation of the Week later today!

Peace & Love,

Debbie

Today is Earth Day…an annual celebration devoted to appreciating nature and learning about ways to protect the environment. Earth Day was first started in 1970 in San Francisco, CA, but today more than 100 countries around the world join together to celebrate the Earth and its precious resources.

Earth Day is a great day to take a moment and reflect about your own lifestyle and what kind of impact it may be having on the Earth and the environment. Some people call this an “ecological footprint.” Don’t know where you stand? Take this quiz to find out how much of an “ecological footprint” you’re leaving on the earth.

While it’s great to be environmentally aware every day, here are some ways to be extra conscientious in celebrating Earth Day this year:

• Plant a tree! Trees help reduce greenhouse gas emissions, so every tree planted helps out the atmosphere
• See if you can go through one day without throwing away or using anything that isn’t recyclable. Use cloth napkins instead of paper, and don’t use disposal plastic like cups or silverware
• Make a commitment to being more environmentally conscious
• Rent An Inconvenient Truth on DVD or read the newly released version of the book for young adults
• Eat only local grown and/or organic food

For more ideas on things you can do everyday to help protect the earth, read this previous Smart Girls Know entry on global warming.

*****

I had the chance to interview young environmentalist Severn Cullis-Suzuki for my book, In Their Shoes. When I asked if she had any advice for teen girls who are interested in being a part of environmental change, she had this to say:

“More than ever right now we need female voices, so don’t be afraid to speak out. I think that one of the most important roles that youth can play is to raise all hell about what is happening to our future. I mean, what’s happening today and the decisions that are going down and the lifestyles we are now living is really degrading the quality of life that we’re going to have. We have everything to lose, so we have to bring attention to this. Who else is going to?”

What a whirlwind of a week! It’s been 10 days since my book In Their Shoes officially said hello to the world, and things around here have been nonstop ever since. I’m busily getting ready for my swanky book release party this Monday night at the coolest bookstore around, Elliot Bay Book Co. in Seattle. And I just found out that I’ll be a guest on the CW’s morning news show, The Daily Buzz, in May. But more on that later!

I wanted to give a shout out to some great organizations who are supporting the book in really cool ways:

Back Stage Magazine (and their online zine) is the main mag for anyone interested in acting, and offers career resources, advicing for dealing with agents and casting directors, interviews with and articles about important people in the biz, and notices for auditions. Back Stage recently featured a special promo highlighting actor Maura Tierney’s (ER, News Radio, Liar, Liar) profile in In Their Shoes, and ran a special contest giving away 50 copies of the book. Thanks Back Stage!

* * *

Interested in being a teacher? The website TeachersCount is definitely worth checking out. Here you’ll find a whole section dedicated to people who want to teach, including info on why it’s such a great career and details about scholarship opportunities. TeachersCount is promoting In Their Shoes at the upcoming NYSUT teaching conference in Washington, D.C. on April 25 - 27. Thank you TeachersCount!

* * *

And check out Smart Girls Rock, an online community for girls who will be the next scientists, astronauts, doctors, mathematicians and engineers who will change our world — and a community for the women who cheer our smart girls on. Smart Girls Rock recently posted an interview with me about In Their Shoes, and offered a limited number of copies as a giveaway to girls who joined in the online conversation about careers. There may still be copies left, so stop by the site!

Samsung Fresh-Films, the teen-friendly film organization that co-founded Girls in the Directors Chair, has just kicked off their 2007 National Teen Filmmaking Program. If you’ve got an interest in filmmaking, then this is one competition worth checking out. Here are the vital stats:

Eligible ages: 14 - 19

Application requirements: completed entry form, including 100 words or less on why you want to be part of a film crew and a sample film idea (visit www.fresh-films.com to submit your application)

Deadline: May 7th

Fresh-Films will choose 99 teens (out of about 6,000 applicants) from across the country to participate in the program for free. During a week-long filmmaking experience, teens will be on-set as part of a teen crew directing, shooting and editing a film in either LA, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Seattle, Detroit, Dallas, Atlanta and Kansas City.

The Fresh-Films program began in 2003, and has produced more than 60 films which have been screened at 20 film festivals worldwide.

There is so much pressure these days to do it all - ace the test, win the game, be voted homecoming queen, score well on the SATs, find the right summer job, get into the right college. Oh, and did I mention that while achieving all of these things, society seems to think that girls should look great, have a positive attitude, and handle it all in style?

What’s worse, many of us have the feeling that we have to do and be these things alone…no help required. Somehow we’ve gotten it drilled into our heads that asking for help is a sign of weakness…that admitting we need help would be admitting we’re not perfect - and that admission is just not acceptable.

Well, I say it’s time to bust that myth.

Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness at all…it’s a sign of strength. So pick up the phone, send out an email blast, grab a bullhorn, and get to it! Here are some tips for asking for and getting the help you need:

* Come clean and admit that you need help: They say admitting you have a problem is the first step to “recovery,” and the same goes with reaching out for help. You know when you’re in over your head: you feel stressed, you lose sleep, you have trouble concentrating…you might crack at any moment. When you feel this way, do yourself a huge favor and remember that you are not alone. Someone (or maybe many people) in your life would love to help you if they knew that you needed it and they knew what to do.

* Know that asking for help is okay: Once you’ve admitted you need help, try to feel secure in the fact that asking for help is the smart thing to do. People do it every day…CEOs of multimillion dollar companies, famous celebs, world leaders, your mentors. Getting help from someone not only eases your load, but the input from someone else might give you new and inspired ways to approach your situation.

* Be specific about what you need: If you can figure out exactly what it is that would take the pressure off of you, then by all means, ask for it! If you need to ask your brother to swap kitchen clean up duty for a week or you’d love your mentor to look over your college essay before you stick a stamp on it, then just say so. Often times people would love to help, but just don’t know what it is they can do.

* Practice accepting help when people offer it: When people say to you, “Is there anything I can do to help?” don’t assume they’re just saying that to be polite. Instead, assume that they genuinely want to help you, and answer with a big, resounding YES! Many of us seem to have it programmed in our fiber to automatically respond to an offer for help by saying “No thanks, I’ve got it.” You’ll find that the more you accept offers of help, the easier it gets.

* Know that the helper gets something out of it, too: Don’t you feel good about yourself when you’ve pitched in and helped someone who really needed it? If you’ve ever volunteered, then you’ve probably experienced this good vibe a lot. When someone’s help is accepted, it makes them feel as if they’ve made a difference and that their contribution is appreciated. So how about that…they feel good, you feel good… it’s all good!