What’s your dream job? A doctor? An actor? A business executive?

Whatever it is, if you’re like most teens, you’re pretty sure that you’ll eventually land a job doing it. In fact, a recent poll by Junior Achievement found that nearly 75% of students answered “definitely” or “pretty sure” when asked if they would ever have their ideal job.

When I was a teen I changed my mind about my dream career at least once a month, and while my parents and sis used to bust on me for being so “wishy washy,” looking back I think it’s kind of cool that I felt the world was wide open. And despite the fact that I was an “average” student and was by no means a super over-achiever, I too felt pretty sure that whatever I ultimately decided to do would eventually happen for me.

To make sure you’re moving in the right direction, here are six things you’ll want to have in your back pocket:

* A Dream: Until you’ve set your sights on something, it’s hard to work towards it. Don’t worry…that doesn’t mean you have to know exactly what you want to do this moment. Dreams can be approached in a big-picture way (like, I want to help people or I want to do something creative, and so on).

* A Plan: Once you have a dream, creating a plan or setting simple goals can be a great first step towards moving forward. Again, plans and goals can be simple and broad (like, I’d like to volunteer with an environmental organization or I want to join the math club). Try writing down your goals or plan in your journal - once your plan is in writing, it somehow becomes more important!

* An Education: No matter the career dream, a good education is key. For some careers, a strong background in math or science is a must-have, while others will require writing and research skills. Even if you don’t see the relevance in what you’re studying in school today (how I felt much of the time in high school!), I guarantee that, with the right attitude, you can take away something that will help to propel you forward. Plus, who knows what educational requirements you’ll need down the road? By working hard now, you’ll make sure that all doors stay open to you!

* Motivation: As teens, there always seems to be somebody pushing us forward, whether it’s our parents pressuring us to make grades or an involved teacher who wants to make sure we reach our full potential. But as we move on to college and beyond, it’s more and more important that the person pushing us forward is ourselves. Being self-motivated to reach our goals and always do our best can have more of an impact on our fate than all the cheerleaders in our lives put together.

* Determination: Sticking to it and never giving up is something that most successful career people have in common. The really cool thing about determination is that once your personal determination gets you through a tough situation or results in a victory, it becomes more and more a part of how you approach challenges and life. The next time you feel the odds are stacked against you, why not discover how a determined attitude affects the outcome?

* A Positive Attitude: We’ve all heard about the “power of positive thinking” a kabillion times, but have you ever experienced it for yourself? The amazing thing about having a positive attitude is that, even if the outcome of a situation isn’t exactly what you had hoped for, maintaining a positive attitude can make sure it still results in something good. If we can take this same energy and apply it to getting the most out of our experiences, our chances of reaching our career dreams get that much better.

How much of you is online? Have you got a profile on MySpace? Facebook? Xanga? Sconex? And if so, what kind of personal info do you have on it? Full name? Pictures? Contact info?

We’ve all heard about the dangers of “online predators” - bad people who scour the social networking sites in the hopes of finding a vulnerable target. But is there any truth behind the hype?

According to one recent study*:

• 1 in 7 youths (10-17 year old) were sexually approached over the Internet
• of those youths who were sexually approached online, 70% were girls
• 4% of youths were aggressively sexually approached (someone asked them to meet up somewhere, called them, or sent them snail mail, money or gifts)

But even if you know what to do if you’re sexually approached online or someone you don’t know tries to get too personal, you may not realize that the info you’re putting online is increasing your chances of being approached. A new PSA (public service announcement) campaign by the Ad Council wants to challenge you to think twice before posting your picture online.

The campaign is called “Think Before You Post,” and the ads are aimed to “encourage girls to ‘think before you post’ personal information that would leave them vulnerable to online predators.” As the Ad Council explains, “the Internet is not a ‘private’ place, rather it’s a public place. Social networking profiles and blogs potentially release information that can be easily found by anyone, including ill-intentioned people.”

Here’s one of the PSAs…check it out. Does it make you think differently about the info you’re putting out there for the world to see?

*Statistics are from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Maybe your crush didn’t like you back. Maybe you didn’t get the grade you wanted on your midterm. Or maybe, through no fault of your own, your summer vacation just didn’t go as you planned.

Whatever your circumstance, disappointment is something we all feel from time to time.

* Sometimes we’re disappointed in ourselves: we didn’t get the right grade…we didn’t get into the right college…we didn’t score the winning goal.

* Other times we’re disappointed in others: our best friend shares a trusted secret with someone else…our mom reads our journal…our father doesn’t get off work in time for our graduation ceremony.

* And then there are the times we’re disappointed in the world: things just don’t work out the way we think they should.

And while it’s normal to feel disappointed from time to time, lingering in that feeling can be seriously disempowering, making us feel blue, blah, betrayed and bothered. And when we’re focusing on these negative feelings, it’s all-too-easy to let the emotions behind them seep into other areas of our life.

The good news is, there are some simple tools for handling disappoinment that can nip those feelings in the bud. Here are a few tricks that every smart girl needs to know:

• Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself: Disappointment is often the result of having unrealistic expecations. And while I would never discourage anyone from dreaming big, remember that goals are something to strive for, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t reach every goal exactly as you planned. Instead, try setting goals to do your best and be true to yourself in your quest for success.

• Don’t place expectations on others: If you take away one thing from this affirmation, let it be this - the only person whose behavior and actions you can control is yourself. While it’s okay to find someone else’s actions disappointing, don’t give that feeling too much power. Often times, what other people do or don’t do has nothing to do with us…it’s about them.

• Give yourself a break: Hey…even when our goals are realistic and we’ve done all the hard work to ensure the outcome we want, sometimes life throws a curve ball and things don’t work out as planned. When this happens, why not be nice to yourself and tell yourself the same kind of supportive things you’d tell a friend in a same predicament?

• Avoid using the word “should”: Have you ever said something like, “this should have happened” or “she should have called me” or “I should have done better”? Then I ask you this…what good does “should” do? Since we can’t change the past, then throwing the word “should” around is really a waste of energy. Why not focus on what might happen differently the next time?

• Don’t “awfulize”: If you say things like “it’s awful” or “I can’t stand it” or “it’s the end of the world for me!” then what you’re really doing is magnifying your disappointment. Words are powerful things, and what we tell ourselves has a bigger impact on our feelings and emotions than anything else. The truth is, you can stand it. And while you may not like it, the disappointment you’re experiencing is not the end of the world. Try putting things in perspective and see how your emotions change for the better.

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How do you handle disappointment? If you’ve got some tips to share with other smart girls, leave a comment!

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The following is an essay from my Advanced Composition class, senior year of high school, circa 1987. I’m not exactly sure what the assignment was, but my essay is about my first solo trip on an airplane, when I went to visit a fellow staffer from summer camp at his college in Chicago (I was living in Pennsylvania at the time). Clearly this trip had a huge impact on me and gave me a taste of the world beyond my small farm town that has never really disappeared.

To Paradise and Back

Alone. Important. A well-dressed executive who is late for a business meeting. Alone. Unimportant. A free-spirited traveler whose only luggage is a trash bag stuffed with wrinkled garb. These are some of the characters I imaged myself being as I boarded a powerful jet at the Allentown Airport.

Anxious to travel alone and become a “worldy woman,” I planned to venture to Chicago, Illinois, to visit friends I had met a summer job. As I sat on the plush, comfortable seats in the lowest, cheapest, and grossest class on the plane, I casually leaned back, read my Cosmopolitan Magazine, and nonchalantly sipped a Diet Coke. “Ah, this is the life!” I thought to myself. As I sat my glass down, I turned out my light and daydreamed of a future when aviation trips would be a part of my regular schedule.

Shaken back into reality by the raucous voice of the stewardess, I buckled my seatbelt and prepared my rested body for the job of the plane landing.

Lined up and feeling like a cow in a heard, I waited for the people ahead of me to disembark, and then I proceeded to file through the door.

As I stepped onto the ground, I felt like Neil Armstrong landing on the moon. Everything around me was so new and interesting. O’Hare Airport was my location, and the air was loaded was excitement. I caught site of a familiar face and attempted to move over to the left. Standing against a ticket counter was Dave, a good friend who had come to save me from the “terrors of the terminal.”

We drove into downtown Chicago for some pizza and then for a walk along Lake Erie. I absolutely fell in love with the city of Chicago and had a desire to stay until the late hours of the night. Unfortunately, we had to leave. We did, however, return a few days later.

Throughout the duration of my five-day visit, I had some great times with old friends. I had many fun experiences on the Wheaton College Campus and in the city of Chicago.

When it was time to leave, I vowed to return. In fact, the whole plane ride home, I reflected on the trip and its benefits. Although it hurt my bank account, I discovered how I was interested in an adventurous lifestyle. I also realized that I never wanted to be tied down.

Grade: 93% - 2% spelling errors = 91% B

*****

It’s interesting to look back at this essay today, 20 years later (!) and reflect on what I wrote. A couple of things jump out at me:

• I’m not quite sure what a “worldy woman” is or why I aspired to become one. (That said, I think I did a pretty good job of becoming one :))
• I still think there’s just about nothing better than sipping an ice-cold Diet Coke.
• Despite my love affair with Chicago, I’ve only been back once (and had a great time then too!). I still find it an incredibly cool city, and if the winters weren’t so cold, I might want to live there.
• While I’m still interested in an “adventurous lifestyle” (whatever that means), I define adventure in new ways today. I’m always open to experiencing new things and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, so I guess in some ways, I’m living the life I hoped I’d be leading when I was 17.
• I’m not sure what I meant by being “tied down” when I wrote this. I do remember that I had especially strong reactions to anyone suggesting that women were supposed to be in a role of a homemaker or that even if they had a career, they’d eventually end up that way. These many years later, I do have a husband and a 2-year-old son, so I guess in some ways that might qualify as being “tied down,” but I can honestly say that because I’m doing work that inspires and ignites me, I’ve actually got more freedom than I could have ever imagined.

Have you had an “aha moment” where you realized there was a world beyond your own backyard that you long to experience? Share your thoughts here!

While I’ve always thought of myself as being “environmentally conscious” (whatever that means), it wasn’t until I saw the documentary An Inconvenient Truth last summer that I realized that; 1) I wasn’t nearly as environmentally conscious as I would have liked to believe, and 2) I wanted to make changes in my life to try and reduce my personal “ecological footprint” on the planet.

After seeing the movie, my husband and I did a lot of things around the house to try to do our part to stop global warming…we switched from paper napkins to cloth, stopped buying paper plates and the like, started buying only produce from local farmers and made an effort to turn off lights and appliances when we weren’t using them.

One of the easiest changes we made was replacing all of our standard lightbulbs with energy-saving compact flourescent light (CFL) bulbs. It was simple, cheap, and actually makes a serious dent in the amount of carbon emissions our household is contributing to the atmosphere. A bonus of the CFL bulbs? They last much longer than a standard light bulb, so they’re not only good for the environment…they’re good for our budget, too.

Today I learned about a new teen-run organization called RelightNY that is taking matters into their own hands by distributing the compact flourescent light (CFL) bulbs to low-income families in New York City. 15-year-old Avery Hairston and eight of his high school friends started the organization in late 2006 to “educate and inspire young people to live in ways that protect the Earth’s environment for current and future generations.”

Here is their mission statement:

RelightNY aims to inspire social change by:

• supplying low-income housing units with energy-saving CFL bulbs, both helping families to save on utility costs and fighting global warming
• spreading awareness of the benefits of CFL bulbs
• encouraging all New Yorkers to switch to CFL bulbs in their homes

Don’t think a group of nine ninth graders can make an impact? Think again. RelightNY has already gotten the attention of big companies and organizations, like sponsors Natural Resources Defense Council (NRDC), Virgin Mobile, and most recently, advertising agency JWT.

* * * * *
According to a recent survey of American teens by JWT, “80% of American teens are bothered by the fact that the US represents one of the world’s leading sources of pollution,” and “more than 78% believe there is still time to repaire the damage already done by the environment.”

Where do you stand? Are you concerned about the environment? Do you think we can still turn things around?

If you’re motivated to do something in your own home or life to stop global warming, read on for some recommendations from Climate Crisis for simple changes you can make that have a big impact.

• replace the lightbulbs in your home (or your room) with CFL bulbs
• take shorter and cooler showers
• unplug your cell phone and iPod chargers when you’re not using them (they still use energy even when they’re not charging)
• unplug your computer and other big appliances (even when they’re turned “off” they’re using energy by being plugged in)
• recycle anything and everything that you can!
• carpool, use public transportation, or better yet, walk or bike when you can

To find out more on what you can do, visit Climate Crisis online. To get inspired, check out An Inconvenient Truth!

Know How 2 Go!
To land your dream job down the road, chances are you’ll need a college education to get your foot in the door. But planning ahead and navigating the college application process can be extremely intimidating. Now there’s a place to go for help. Know How 2 Go, which recently partnered with the YMCA, has a ton of resources for helping teens - from middle school on up - come up with a “road map” or plan for making their college dreams come true.

From the website:

You know why to go to college; we’re here to tell you how. There are specific steps you need to take and this site can help you along the way. Remember, it’s never too early - or too late - to start on the road to college.

If you’ve got college aspirations, this is definitely one site worth checking out!

Best Teen Chef Competition
Are you interested in being a chef someday? You might want to check out The Art Institute’s Best Teen Chef competition, held every year for high school seniors. For the 2007 competition, dozens of teens took part in “cook-offs” last weekend in 23 cities around the country, where they had to show off their cooking skills for the judges and create a menu consisting of shrimp cocktail, sauteed breast of chicken, fresh broccoli and rice pilaf, all while being timed. The winner from each location will go to Dallas for the national Best Teen Chef competition on May 5. For the winner? A full-tuition scholarship to study culinary arts at an Arts Institute school.

Visit the Art Institute online to find out how to apply for a future competition.

* On a personal note, I interviewed two women chefs extraordinaire for In Their Shoes - Mary Sue Milliken and Susan Feniger, co-owners of the Border Grill and Cuidad in Los Angeles. Check back to my website after April 10 to read the transcript of my full interview with Mary Sue and Susan!

* * * * *

PS… I got a copy of my finished book In Their Shoes this morning, hot off the presses! It’s very exciting to finally have the book in my hot little hands after such a long process of conceiving, researching, writing and editing it. The official date when it will be available in bookstores is April 10… I’ll write more about the book launch as it gets closer! In the meantime, email me if you’d like some promotional postcards or bookmarks for the book!

Have you ever seen a green-striped cow? How about a purple spotted giraffe? No? Huh…imagine that. I guess that’s because some things don’t exist in nature. But what does this have to do with beautiful models? Everything.

Try this experiment. Flip open a magazine and find a makeup or fashion ad featuring a model. What do you see?

• Is the model’s hair greasy? Any dry, flyaway frizzies?
• Look closely at her skin. Do you see any wrinkles? Blemishes? Pimples?
• How about her lips…are they impossibly full? Glossy? Any cold sores?
• What do her eyes look like? Are the whites perfectly white? The blues brilliantly blue? The browns wonderfully warm?
• Scan down her body. Can she pinch an inch? Any flabby skin? Cellulite? Uneven tan lines?
• How about her breasts? Are they perky? Perfectly round?

Maybe a part of you wishes that you could look like the model in the ad. But, would it surprise you to know that even the model herself doesn’t look like the girl in the picture? That’s right. The picture you’re looking at ISN’T REAL. Here are just some of the ways the image in front of you might not reflect reality:

• The model’s clothes may have been tied back with pins and clamps so they hang perfectly
• The model might be keeping her body parts in place with a girdle, a push-up bra, or masking tape
• The model’s breasts may have been made larger and hips narrower through digital enhancement
• The model’s skin has probably been touched up on a computer to remove any traces of wrinkles, blemishes, acne or discoloration
• The model may have had cosmetic surgery such as silicon injections to make her lips fuller, Botox to remove wrinkles, and breast implants

If you haven’t seen this yet, take a minute and watch the short film Evolution from Dove’s Campaign for Real Beauty, where you can see the lines of reality being blurred before your very eyes:

Okay. Now, try this experiment.

• Stand in front of a mirrow at home.
• Touch your hair. What does it feel like? What does it smell like?
• Feel your skin. Do you sense any bumps? Any oily patches? Dry spots?
• Take a close look at your nose. Are there any hairs sticking out of your nostrils?
• Stare at your eyes. Have you ever noticed how many little flecks of color are in the iris? How your eyes sparkle when you smile?
• Look at your stomach. Have you ever seen a belly button that looks quite like yours? Have you ever noticed the fuzzy hair on your tummy?
• Examine your hands. Do you have dry cuticles? Ridges on your fingernails? Or have you bitten them down to the skin?
• Check out your knees. Have you ever noticed how wrinkly they are? Don’t they remind you of an elephant’s skin?
• Do you see any scars? Any birthmarks?

Now smile.

The image you are looking at in the mirror is REAL. Yes, that’s right. You are REAL! And we’re all individual, exceptional and beautiful, right down to that scar on our elbow and the ingrown wart on our little toe. So why bother aspiring to look like a purple-spotted giraffe when we are the most unique just by being who we are?

If you haven’t heard about the movie Just Yell Fire, definitely read on. Just Yell Fire is a 47-minute film, available for free download online, created by two Portland, Oregon teens, Dallas Jessup and Catherine Wehage. Dallas and Catherine created the film to empower girls everywhere to protect themselves against rape or abduction.

It all started when the two friends saw the abduction of a real girl on the TV news. The two got to talking and started doing research about girls and crime. The facts they discovered were shocking, including the following statistics:

• 1 in 4 girls presently in middle school or high school will be date-raped before they graduate from college

• For every 2 convicted child molesters, there are 5 that haven’t been caught

• Teenage girls are the group at greatest risk for non-family abductions

Dallas and Catherine also realized that many rapes and abductions could be prevented if girls everywhere knew how to protect themselves. That’s where Just Yell Fire comes in.

Dallas and Catherine wrote the script for the film, working with their street fighting coach, Chad Von Dette, to come up with easy-to-learn strategies for getting away from attackers, no matter their size. They came up with the name Just Yell Fire basd on the fact that bystanders are more likely to respond to someone yelling “fire!” than they are to “help!” or “rape!”

Eventually Dallas and Catherine’s script got the interest of their communities and they were able to raise the funds to make their film a reality. They also got the attention of two of today’s hottest stars, LOST’s Evangeline Lilly and Josh Holloway, who lended their star power to introduce the film.

Just Yell Fire was wrapped up last fall, and is now available for free to anyone who wants to download it (click on the banner above for a direct link). And it’s definitely worth checking out. In 47 minutes, you’ll learn invaluable techniques for escaping from a potential abductor, including things like biting in key areas, eye gouges, ear slaps, groin slaps and a few other maneuvers that, when used together, would make a much stronger attacker let go long enough for a teen to run away.

As each technique is explained in the movie, it is demonstrated in both slow-motion and real-time to see how it works. Then we get to see them acted out in realistic abduction scenarios.

In addition to the street fighting techniques, Dallas and Catherine state some powerful girls’ rights throughout the film, including:

• I have the right to have high self-esteem
• I have the right to refuse to date anyone
• I have the right to refuse sex with anyone, anytime, for any reason
• I have the right to be heard
• I have the right to have my limits and values respected
• I have the right not to be pressed into anything that I don’t want to do
• I have the right not to be abused, physically, emotionally, or sexually

These important messages, combined with the empowering techniques demonstrated throughout the film, make this one movie that will resonate with everyone who sees it. I can’t recommend it highly enough…tell your friends, your sisters, your moms…Yell For Fire just might save your life.

I got an email from a friend this morning congratulating me on the mention of my upcoming book In Their Shoes in today’s newspaper. And I was like, Huh? What mention?

So I jumped online and there it was, my first official review for In Their Shoes, smack on the first page of the Northwest Life section of the Seattle Times. In an article entitled “Three Women’s Perspectives From Bedroom to Boardroom,” my book In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers, was highlighted, along with two other books from cool Seattle women - The Anti 9 to 5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube by Michelle Goodman and I’d Rather Eat Chocolate by Joan Sewell.

From the article:

In a time when the shelves of the Career section in any bookstore are overflowing, these two will still be standouts. They have a common strength: both motivate a reader to ponder what sort of job it will take to make her bound out of bed in the morning. (Or at least stop pulling the covers over her head and resetting the alarm.) Deborah Reber does the heavy lifting that few young job-seekers have the ability to do; Michelle Goodman delivers an honest, informed look at the perils and pluses of a freelance life.

“In Their Shoes: Extraordinary Women Describe Their Amazing Careers” by Reber is aimed at a teen/young-adult reader. She profiles a few dozen women, from Seattle librarian Nancy Pearl to California Sen. Barbara Boxer to Sara Lynch, a nanny. Each career is described in a snappy graphic format covering responsibilities, educational backgrounds, salaries, stress levels, typical daily schedules and related occupations. In the end, she’s touched on more than 200 jobs.

Reber, a former children’s television writer, packs a ton of even-handed and useful info into a small space. Despite its youthful target audience (for whom Reber also wisely describes what each woman wears to work) “In Their Shoes” will appeal to some older women as well, especially those pondering career changes.

Read the entire article here.

Yay! This was a great way to start my Wednesday morning…hopefully there will be many more nice surprises like this one once my book comes out on April 10th.

You can get a sneak preview of In Their Shoes on my website, where I’ve posted my author’s journal which gives inside scoop into the interview and writing process of the book. Audio podcasts of some of the original interviews will be coming, too. Stay tuned…

**** Do you write for your school newspaper? Send me an email if you’d like to review In Their Shoes for your school paper!

Sit back in your chair, or bed, or sofa. Close your eyes. Now LISTEN.

There are noises all around us. Music. TV. The hum of our computer. Traffic outside our window. An airplane flying overhead.

We’re bombarded with so many noises at any given time that most of us are pretty good at tuning out the world when we need to. But how do we handle it when we’re called on by our friends or family to tune in and listen?

Think about it. What did you do the last time your BFF cried on your shoulder about her crush crushing on someone else? Or when your brother or sister shared frustration over an incident at school? Or when a classmate complained to you about something going on in his or her personal life?

We might think we’re good listeners. We look at the person talking to us. We nod our head and throw in a few “uh huh’s” or “wow’s” at the appropriate times. But are we really hearing what’s going on? The reality is, most of us could use some improvement when it comes to tuning in to those around us.

Not truly listening to a friend or loved one can result in all kinds of problems:

• misunderstanding what another person is going through
• hurting someone else’s feelings
• making assumptions based on the wrong info
• giving people the people the impression we don’t care
• sending out the signal that what we have to say is more important than what others say
• losing out on future opportunities to be there for our friends when they need us most

One of the great things about being a good listener is that we start to get more out of our relationships. It’s really fascinating how it works, but truly being there for a friend turns us into the kinds of friends that others would do anything for.

Being a Good Listener

So, the next time a friend comes to you needing to talk, try out these listening techniques and see how they change the experience for you:

• focus on what your friend is saying and don’t think about what you’re going to say next or in response while he or she is talking
• head nods and facial expressions are a great way to let someone know that you’re tuning in
• take a breath and count to three before speaking to make sure that your friend has finished their thought
• ditch the high-tech gadgets and have important conversations face-to-face face, making eye contact with your friend while they’re sharing their thoughts
• if you’ve got to talk on the phone, don’t multitask - turn of the computer, close the books and focus on the conversation
• ask your friend what he or she needs from you - advice, insight, a different point of view - and then try to give them what they need

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If you haven’t already done so, visit Smart Girls Know and check out my new posting, Lost Locker Files #1. From time to time I’ll be posting old essays and writings from my teen years that my mom just found in a box under my bed in my old house.

And don’t forget to share your thoughts on teens and stress for my new book here. If you’re interested in possibly being interviewed for the book, send me an email with your contact info (name, age, city, email) and I’ll be in touch!